Christmas in the South
By Cactus Jack
Have you ever
seen dogs fight over a bone?
Well just the
other day Ol Cactus feeling a bit old figured an all natural tan
would help rejuvenate my look. Well here ya go; I’m lying out in the
backyard getting some sun on my private parts when out of no ware,
my neighbor fires up the old John Deer to cut his lawn and to make
things worse my dogs get in a fight over a bone.
So here I am naked as a child chasing my coon dogs around the
yard, trying to break them up, and all the while my neighbor being
able to see over my fence from atop his tractor is laughing his Asso-ff.
Figuring he was
just jealous of my manly appearance, I ignored him and after
breaking up the dogs, I returned to my lounge chair, to enjoy cold
Budweiser, and finish reading this month’s issue of Florida Outdoors
Magazine. Just as I’m
starting to relax ya would know it, my girlfriend opens the backdoor
and haulers at me it’s time to cook dinner, and slings a slab of
baby back ribs on the table.
Well folk I’m as
progressive as the next guy, but when it comes to cooking on the
grill, Ol Cactus has to put his pants on. After all who wants a burn
down there, if ya know what I mean.
But my girlfriend does not see it that way, so trying to be
“the man” I go about preparing the charcoal grill, and the ribs.
I dust the ribs
with my old family secret dry rub, roll them up in tin foil and
while wait for the charcoal to get ready, I once again return to my
lounge chair, pop open another cold one, and go back to read Bassin
Bubba’ column. Hardly
through the first sentence when a swarm of mosquito’s so thick it
looks like a black cloud dive bombed me. Now folks I’m not talking
about those little frilly mosquitos’s y’ll have over in the big
city, I’m talking about Mosquito’s spelled with a capital “M”.
Those suckers drained me so much so fast, I felt light
headed, and while trying to swat them, I fell out of my chair.
Lying there on the ground I see a mosquito walk by and the
sucker was so big he has a tick on his back.
I started laughing thinking it served him right, when it
dawned on me just how much my private areas where being ate on.
Grabbing my towel, I run for the house, only to have my
girlfriend remind me I still need to cook those ribs.
Well folk, that’ the way it is here in the south; we don’t have much of a winter, and I for one am pretty glad of it, and if I could change anything I don’t think I would. Well on second thought, I think I’ll ask Santa for one of those power bug foggers, and declare chemical warfare on those mosquito’s’ before I try getting a tan again.
Until next month
have a Merry Christmas